May 2020
there will be days
where your very own breathing is exhausting, the four walls of your bedroom the only safe space.
days where the world doesn't accept you,
you were not meant for this life.
living, breathing, screaming epiphanies that the world would be a much greater place without you in it.
for so long, i was in a place with no sun.
the smell of day old liquor and blame,
a mother so broke within her addiction and self-destruct she's not even whole anymore.
you were only 9.
here, there were no flowers.
growing up was a nightmare- the coming, the going, the always going.
dropping everything and leaving is her strong suit.
the baby brother you felt you had to protect,
the questions.
"why are you always so tired".
the predisposition to the dark entity making a home inside of you was called for.
years plagued with lost innocence and trust issues.
no fight in the whole **** world left in you, but carrying on anyway.
but, every once in awhile, out of the darkness, would emerg something you loved that'd bring you to life again.
small joys- a candy sky, laughs with a friend, all the universe's way of sending tiny glimmers of hope. strength to continue.
faith in the words, "this too shall pass".
living is difficult, and living is difficult for everybody.
but it is in these moments of turmoil that we cannot succumb to the bad days, bad months, or bad years.
healing, loving, and growing through these hardships is easy to say, but hard to surmount to.
it is struggling, two steps forward and one step back.
again, and again, and again.
it's trial. it's error. it's trial again. it's more error.
it's holding on to the small hopes. not allowing our hearts to grow cold. having the courage to continue. choosing the carry on.
i find my strength in the bodies of water much larger than i am.
it's in family. blood or chosen.
it's sunrises.
sunsets.
falling in love.
with people or places.
kind strangers.
it's realizing you've started dancing again.
its healing, loving, and growing through this tough life.
as long as we are breathing, we must keep dancing.
where your very own breathing is exhausting, the four walls of your bedroom the only safe space.
days where the world doesn't accept you,
you were not meant for this life.
living, breathing, screaming epiphanies that the world would be a much greater place without you in it.
for so long, i was in a place with no sun.
the smell of day old liquor and blame,
a mother so broke within her addiction and self-destruct she's not even whole anymore.
you were only 9.
here, there were no flowers.
growing up was a nightmare- the coming, the going, the always going.
dropping everything and leaving is her strong suit.
the baby brother you felt you had to protect,
the questions.
"why are you always so tired".
the predisposition to the dark entity making a home inside of you was called for.
years plagued with lost innocence and trust issues.
no fight in the whole **** world left in you, but carrying on anyway.
but, every once in awhile, out of the darkness, would emerg something you loved that'd bring you to life again.
small joys- a candy sky, laughs with a friend, all the universe's way of sending tiny glimmers of hope. strength to continue.
faith in the words, "this too shall pass".
living is difficult, and living is difficult for everybody.
but it is in these moments of turmoil that we cannot succumb to the bad days, bad months, or bad years.
healing, loving, and growing through these hardships is easy to say, but hard to surmount to.
it is struggling, two steps forward and one step back.
again, and again, and again.
it's trial. it's error. it's trial again. it's more error.
it's holding on to the small hopes. not allowing our hearts to grow cold. having the courage to continue. choosing the carry on.
i find my strength in the bodies of water much larger than i am.
it's in family. blood or chosen.
it's sunrises.
sunsets.
falling in love.
with people or places.
kind strangers.
it's realizing you've started dancing again.
its healing, loving, and growing through this tough life.
as long as we are breathing, we must keep dancing.
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