confront this dark entity which found home behind my ribcage.
i want to tell him to give me back what was rightfully mine.
give back the 13 year old i was with so much life beneath my eyelids,
the time before i became all too acquainted with the monster under my bed
the 14 year old that realized that the hollowness in her chest was what would become a very old friend.
i want him to apologize for the wreckage he caused upon my body,
i want the time back trying to him him with sharp objects, trying to **** him in bed sheets of boys who do not cry, trying to **** him by wrenching over a toilet bowl trying to remember where i even met him in the first place.
i want the nights back where the four walls of my bedroom became so concave,
the nights he'd call me 'baby', telling me to never love something larger than he was, even myself.
the happiness he enticed me with but kept so far out of reach.
i want to say to him, "i see you", "the scars have faded now".
to the old friend that has grown with me,
i have tried so ******* hard to say goodbye.