constantly torn
between being here and trying to
make the best of it
and wanting to be 3,781.9 km
closer to her.
constantly torn
between not texting you back
and feeling guilty because
you’re drunk and you miss me.
constantly torn between
what I want to say
and what’s preventing me from
saying it.
constantly torn
between dipping my foot in
the ocean of freedom
and then pulling away when
the tide comes rushing in.
constantly torn between
noticing how much I remind myself
of you while also noticing
that I am nothing like you at all
and not knowing if that is good
or bad.
constantly torn between wanting
you to hold my hand every second
of every day, while also wanting
nothing more to do with you
ever again.
constantly torn between
remembering and forgetting
misplacing and replacing
trying and giving up
I’m just sad because I feel like
the word
enough
shouldn’t even exist.