i wake up after a 16 hour sleep 1:23 pm I untangle the matted knots in my hair 1:45 pm i look outside to (unsurprisingly) see grey 2:10 pm i look in my fridge and choose hopelessness 2:12 pm I look at my untouched new sketchbook wishing i could something better than someone else but knowing it won't happen 2:16 pm I want to die 2:20 pm I feed my cat and pet her while simultaneously dissociating 3 pm I decide I must eat to live, so I choose nothing 4:11 pm I ask myself, 'why must the battle exist every day? I'm getting tired and lost. i need some direction.' my brain responds with a dismal, 'you pitiful little boy. I'm breaking you down. i want you dead like that boy in third grade did after he ***** you. don't fool yourself.' 8:03 pm i go to sleep 8:23 pm