i wake up after a 16 hour sleep
1:23 pm
I untangle the matted knots in my hair
1:45 pm
i look outside to (unsurprisingly) see grey
2:10 pm
i look in my fridge and choose hopelessness
2:12 pm
I look at my untouched new sketchbook wishing i could something better than someone else but knowing it won't happen
2:16 pm
I want to die
2:20 pm
I feed my cat and pet her while simultaneously dissociating
3 pm
I decide I must eat to live, so I choose nothing
4:11 pm
I ask myself, 'why must the battle exist every day? I'm getting tired and lost. i need some direction.'
my brain responds with a dismal, 'you pitiful little boy. I'm breaking you down. i want you dead like that boy in third grade did after he raped you. don't fool yourself.'
8:03 pm
i go to sleep
8:23 pm
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