I could talk to you twenty-four hours, seven days a week, three hundred sixty-five days a year, and still, get excited every time I hear your voice.
But you get sick of me after ten minutes.
I would follow you anywhere you asked me.
But you'd rather run to someone else.
The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you, or upset you.
So I walk on eggshells around you.
And I pretend like my heart doesn't break every time you get defensive or dismiss me or hook up with other people all the while saying that you "love me."
Everyone else only gets the good parts, sometimes more of them than I get.
They get the parts I stick around for in spite of the ones that make me cry myself to sleep every night.
But they don't see that side of you.
And you constantly tell me to open up and to talk to you.
Yet you won't do the same.
And you say you don't trust anything I say because I hide my feelings.
But every time I try to talk to you, you ignore me or invalidate me and I always end up feeling worse than I did before.
And if I try to talk to you about anything that you do that hurts me,
you make me think it's my fault.
You tell me it's because of all the things that I'm doing wrong.
And every time you lie to me and you manipulate me,
I know that's what you're doing.
I'm not oblivious to it, I notice it every time.
But I'm just too weak to walk away.
You say that you're a bad person and that you feel like you hurt me and you don't want to do that.
But you don't really want to change.
You like knowing that no matter what you do, or how much you hurt me, I will always be here.
If I try to leave, I'll always come running back.
If you try to leave, I'll always beg you to stay.
I would rather keep living in pain, constantly doubting myself, feeling like I'm not good enough, and believing everything is my fault.
I would rather do that for the rest of my life than ever lose you.
And it kills me because you have no problem losing me.