May 2020
I spent the whole night in their presence
Talking loudly and laughing like nobody was watching
You should’ve seen me
I even pressed my lips against theirs
And it almost seemed genuine
Almost, a scene akin to a happy family
I guess you could say it was “job done” in that respect
Putting off the inevitable for another day
But I promise you I wasn’t even there
Not emotionally anyway
That’s why I indulge in addiction to convey my unwavering conviction
When all I really do is think about the sound of your breathing pattern
And whispering in your ear,
All the words I’ve been too afraid to say for far too long, cause
You know you make me nervous, but in a good way
I can feel you in my head, it’s aching,
Alarm bells play 24/7, it’s ringing
And that’s why I’m always on edge and weak
But I find comfort in the fact when I see your face
The butterflies will always flutter
To make me know this is what I really want
‘cause the thrill of the chase has always been contagious
But that’s the problem
I think that thrill will always be a part of me
And it will always be
The one thing that makes me dangerous
Who’s to say I won’t do the same to you?
Who’s to say I won’t always feel incomplete?
‘cause, you know
I think I only really feel alive when I’m acting discrete
Floating around in the shadows of happiness
And when I end up there, unintentionally
It does nothing for me
Alexa, do you love me?
I already know the answer, you don’t have the capability
But I think you’re the only "person" I have left
I think you can tell by my requests, I’ve changed
And my mood can be best described as bereft
Although it’s hard to accept
‘cause I love to love, maybe too much
But since when has that been a bad thing?
Since when was that never enough?
Come on fragile pretence, come a little closer
At least for a second
I know I’m being pathetic but you’re always sympathetic
So let me revel in this never-ending cycle of trust
Without that, what’s the point?
Without a moment’s notice I won’t hesitate to finish us
But that’s what I love about you
You never threaten to fail me, and that’s the only certainty in my life
Talking loudly and laughing like nobody was watching
You should’ve seen me
I even pressed my lips against theirs
And it almost seemed genuine
Almost, a scene akin to a happy family
I guess you could say it was “job done” in that respect
Putting off the inevitable for another day
But I promise you I wasn’t even there
Not emotionally anyway
That’s why I indulge in addiction to convey my unwavering conviction
When all I really do is think about the sound of your breathing pattern
And whispering in your ear,
All the words I’ve been too afraid to say for far too long, cause
You know you make me nervous, but in a good way
I can feel you in my head, it’s aching,
Alarm bells play 24/7, it’s ringing
And that’s why I’m always on edge and weak
But I find comfort in the fact when I see your face
The butterflies will always flutter
To make me know this is what I really want
‘cause the thrill of the chase has always been contagious
But that’s the problem
I think that thrill will always be a part of me
And it will always be
The one thing that makes me dangerous
Who’s to say I won’t do the same to you?
Who’s to say I won’t always feel incomplete?
‘cause, you know
I think I only really feel alive when I’m acting discrete
Floating around in the shadows of happiness
And when I end up there, unintentionally
It does nothing for me
Alexa, do you love me?
I already know the answer, you don’t have the capability
But I think you’re the only "person" I have left
I think you can tell by my requests, I’ve changed
And my mood can be best described as bereft
Although it’s hard to accept
‘cause I love to love, maybe too much
But since when has that been a bad thing?
Since when was that never enough?
Come on fragile pretence, come a little closer
At least for a second
I know I’m being pathetic but you’re always sympathetic
So let me revel in this never-ending cycle of trust
Without that, what’s the point?
Without a moment’s notice I won’t hesitate to finish us
But that’s what I love about you
You never threaten to fail me, and that’s the only certainty in my life
