May 2020
shyly enters*
heyyyyy, it is I , me.
I know I haven’t been here in a while
I haven’t been much of anywhere if we are being honest, been floating a lot , pretending a lot and crying occasionally when it all surfaces.
But, I thought it was time to face you again. That sounds mean not face you I thought I’d drop by and let you know that today is just a little too much and we know that I sometimes can’t hold it all in and it manifests in tiny little droplets of emotion.
Let’s harp on that for a second. A single drop of solution carries razor blade pain , it carries harsh anger and subtle insecurities . I think that’s cool.
I met someone who once told me that water was his path to finding god. And if we want to get into the nitty gritties of semiology it makes perfect sense. For thousands of years fluid in all religious faculties water has been a symbol of cleansing of purity of rebirth.
Watch me reinvent myself , that sounds too confident. Just as the wounds close tight and scab to the perfect itchy texture, a new bang opens it and makes it bleed.
Rayhaan? Do you see me . Do you even know what you married? They say transparency and complete intimacy is at peak during a hard or slow ****... is that all you see ? The little girl that doesn’t like to be in control? The little girl screaming for love? The little girl that demands ( quietly ) to be degraded? To be held ?
A walking ******* contradiction.
Baby I’m so much more and so much less than that little girl and all you see is someone begging to be loved. I remember when you first fell i was still sitting on my throne watching you play in my ocean splashing around, bathing in my sun. And then I fell off , I was a commoner and you became the ultimate .
For a while we ruled in unison . But now baby you watch me drown from above . Do you enjoy the suffering ? Does it make you feel good that , that little girl is screaming to be held to be seen to be heard. She craves you.
I miss my best friend the one that would lay on the floor to catch my tears , just coz Mother Nature was not vast enough to absorb all the emotion. Now you watch it waste away to the ground like a element we have too much of.
Do you still love ? I’ve never felt like enough , do you finally feel that way too?
Everything’s too heavy right now, it’s all starting to merge in my head it’s becoming too loud. The medication will start working it’s magic on my neurotransmitters, forced sleep, forced love , forced ....
I love you.
I don’t have to tell you but know that no one will ever swim with your demons , no one will twist their bones to be enough for you like me . No one will EVER see you like this. You will continue giving brief glances of your personality but never your true self.
Bye for now
( strange how I started to write to the poem then myself and finally ended at you- maybe that is because you flow in my blood )
heyyyyy, it is I , me.
I know I haven’t been here in a while
I haven’t been much of anywhere if we are being honest, been floating a lot , pretending a lot and crying occasionally when it all surfaces.
But, I thought it was time to face you again. That sounds mean not face you I thought I’d drop by and let you know that today is just a little too much and we know that I sometimes can’t hold it all in and it manifests in tiny little droplets of emotion.
Let’s harp on that for a second. A single drop of solution carries razor blade pain , it carries harsh anger and subtle insecurities . I think that’s cool.
I met someone who once told me that water was his path to finding god. And if we want to get into the nitty gritties of semiology it makes perfect sense. For thousands of years fluid in all religious faculties water has been a symbol of cleansing of purity of rebirth.
Watch me reinvent myself , that sounds too confident. Just as the wounds close tight and scab to the perfect itchy texture, a new bang opens it and makes it bleed.
Rayhaan? Do you see me . Do you even know what you married? They say transparency and complete intimacy is at peak during a hard or slow ****... is that all you see ? The little girl that doesn’t like to be in control? The little girl screaming for love? The little girl that demands ( quietly ) to be degraded? To be held ?
A walking ******* contradiction.
Baby I’m so much more and so much less than that little girl and all you see is someone begging to be loved. I remember when you first fell i was still sitting on my throne watching you play in my ocean splashing around, bathing in my sun. And then I fell off , I was a commoner and you became the ultimate .
For a while we ruled in unison . But now baby you watch me drown from above . Do you enjoy the suffering ? Does it make you feel good that , that little girl is screaming to be held to be seen to be heard. She craves you.
I miss my best friend the one that would lay on the floor to catch my tears , just coz Mother Nature was not vast enough to absorb all the emotion. Now you watch it waste away to the ground like a element we have too much of.
Do you still love ? I’ve never felt like enough , do you finally feel that way too?
Everything’s too heavy right now, it’s all starting to merge in my head it’s becoming too loud. The medication will start working it’s magic on my neurotransmitters, forced sleep, forced love , forced ....
I love you.
I don’t have to tell you but know that no one will ever swim with your demons , no one will twist their bones to be enough for you like me . No one will EVER see you like this. You will continue giving brief glances of your personality but never your true self.
Bye for now
( strange how I started to write to the poem then myself and finally ended at you- maybe that is because you flow in my blood )
