I like to write when my heart hurts
It just feels better like poking at a wound waiting for it to bleed

I often said that I don’t epitomize you I see you for what you really are
And I’ve always believed that people have the potential to hurt me
And yet I let you in
I let you unwind my insides and stain my being
and here you are

Reminding me of him
The him that manipulated me that forced me to lose myself the me that untangled my thoughts and used it as a noose to keep me on a short leash

You’re making me beg for love
You’re making me break
Stop breaking me
I want to touch your cheeks and feel your kindness
Are you possessed ? Should we call and exosist to remove this sadness to remove this ugly person that is withdrawn and lacks excitement
I want my rayhaan back
The one that holds me and tells me I’m enough
Not the one who pushes me to the ledge and makes me feel like I need to fight to be seen
I’m sad to write this today
Because I could never write about you before
Because you never hurt my heart

I’m scared now
But time will tell
Maybe all love turns ugly with time
Maybe I make people ugly
Maybe I deserve the harshness
Maybe I am just not enough.

The above talks about my vulnerability
It’s strange how they’re starting to arise
Because I feel myself telling my brain I told you so
You’re so dumb
Everyone knew this would come
Why didn’t you listen
You should have just believed that’s no matter what rules you put and how hard you try
Everyone fails at marriage
Or maybe it’s hereditary
Maybe it’s woman in this family
Maybe we possess a switch that turns men off
From loving us
Or maybe we’re excited by the trauma of love
Maybe we can’t accept the kindness of it all

And maybe we’re all just destined to unhappiness
For all the ugly sins we commit