May 2020
Hi I’m writing this addressed to my followers but I’m addressing it to myself because my internal processing has had a bit of a jam recently and I’d like to live up the machinery and hope that the thoughts flow, the feelings flow, I flow .
Mental illness can be as extreme as cancer where it devours your entire body and makes you lay in bed all day not wanting to eat or speak to people or just be awake because the suffering feels too overwhelming.
Or it can be like a small little bump on your head it can hurt you’ll cry but you can go through the day until you are reminded of the pain of the little bump
Both are valid and both hurt
I have an emotional matrurity and understanding beyond many my age and this allows my brain to work at a faster pace ( this doesn’t mean I’m a smarty pants ) but I see things and I over analyze everything and I make issues where there aren’t none just to feed the cancer because it feeds me . I twist words and hurt people that are good to me because I don’t feel good enough for them .
Baby I’m talking about you sometimes I don’t feel enough for you. You do so much and I feel inadequate to anything you do .
And I feel like your mum knows it too .
And it’s not your fault or hers it’s mine. It’s mine for being weak and not believing that I’m worthy of such a pure strong love.
I miss you and I miss myself
I feel like I’m fading in my head . There’s a spaceship going somewhere away from here and I want to jump on.
Why can’t people choose me over the things that harm them
Yummy chooses him and it hurts my heart he always chooses drugs and that hurts her
I hurt you baby because you are good and I’m not used to good I’m used to being pushed to the side
You see me and that scares me
Thank you for looking after me
My cheeks are wet now , come play on my surface come dance on me
Feel exotic I’ll touch you back but just a tease because we both know I’m a little jacked up in the department of giving
I can’t give myself to you to touch maybe it’s too vulnerable
Let me dance for you
Naked.
Let me feel how you feel in the most divine way
Let’s become one body.
Stop it hurts
I’m selfish
I want to be alone
Leave me alone
Nothing
Go.
I don’t deserve you
I’m awful
I need to get better before I lose myself and you can’t find me
Run in the cancer
I’ll spread to you
Mental illness can be as extreme as cancer where it devours your entire body and makes you lay in bed all day not wanting to eat or speak to people or just be awake because the suffering feels too overwhelming.
Or it can be like a small little bump on your head it can hurt you’ll cry but you can go through the day until you are reminded of the pain of the little bump
Both are valid and both hurt
I have an emotional matrurity and understanding beyond many my age and this allows my brain to work at a faster pace ( this doesn’t mean I’m a smarty pants ) but I see things and I over analyze everything and I make issues where there aren’t none just to feed the cancer because it feeds me . I twist words and hurt people that are good to me because I don’t feel good enough for them .
Baby I’m talking about you sometimes I don’t feel enough for you. You do so much and I feel inadequate to anything you do .
And I feel like your mum knows it too .
And it’s not your fault or hers it’s mine. It’s mine for being weak and not believing that I’m worthy of such a pure strong love.
I miss you and I miss myself
I feel like I’m fading in my head . There’s a spaceship going somewhere away from here and I want to jump on.
Why can’t people choose me over the things that harm them
Yummy chooses him and it hurts my heart he always chooses drugs and that hurts her
I hurt you baby because you are good and I’m not used to good I’m used to being pushed to the side
You see me and that scares me
Thank you for looking after me
My cheeks are wet now , come play on my surface come dance on me
Feel exotic I’ll touch you back but just a tease because we both know I’m a little jacked up in the department of giving
I can’t give myself to you to touch maybe it’s too vulnerable
Let me dance for you
Naked.
Let me feel how you feel in the most divine way
Let’s become one body.
Stop it hurts
I’m selfish
I want to be alone
Leave me alone
Nothing
Go.
I don’t deserve you
I’m awful
I need to get better before I lose myself and you can’t find me
Run in the cancer
I’ll spread to you
