I questioned myself because of you
That’s something I shouldn’t have to do
Especially if it’s because of you.

Did you help me because you
Wanted to help me or did you
Help me because it made you
Feel better about yourself?

I regret giving you so much of
My love because it feels like
I don’t have enough to give
Anyone else- you took it all
And you left me with nothing.
I have nothing.

It wasn’t my pessimism speaking
When I started thinking about
How everything could go wrong.
It was my gut.

I agreed with Nayo when she said,
“Loving you is taking all the love
I could never give myself
And putting it to good use.”

But I want to feel good about myself,
I owe it to myself since it’s overdue
I can’t have my happiness be
Completely dependent on you.

I don’t know when I started settling
Or when I thought I deserved less
Or when I thought of myself as unloveable,
But I can tell you when I’m going to stop.

This is my birthday gift to myself.