Staring at the wall,
The textured, bright green painted wall.

Listening to every breath I take,
As if they belonged to another.

So much effort, so much work
To lift my ribcage,

To claim air into my lungs
In the will to live.

Exhaling in shaking rhythms,
As if the deed is painful.

In a way, it is.
By surviving everyday,

More days follow
That I face the ugly mug of reality.

And that’s what pains me.
How the rainbow colored world so vividly painted at an early age

Was a lie.
That sometimes no matter how hard you try,

Bad wins no matter what.
And there’s nothing I can do about it.

So I take refuge in the warm cocoon of blankets,
Staring at my bedroom wall.

Let myself sink into another world
Where silence floods every corner.

Where no one can reach me.
Not even reality.



Closing the doors in the faces of everyone and everything,
Leaving me alone to my empty mind and quiet room.

It seems like my room is the only place left
That reality can’t find me.

So I lay here,
Safe for now.