I feel like
I'll have the crescent marks
Of my fingernails
Embedded in the skin
Of my palms
When this over

Awareness of everything
Is pressed against
The backs of
My eyelids
I close them and I
Can hear the buzz
Of my thoughts
Trying to escape my head

Before this - there was a job
And busy days, and things to plan
Now I am weightless, restless
Trying to carve out
A routine out of this stillness
It's like the world
Is holding It's
Breath
And it is

There is anger inside me
I feel it pressing
On my lungs
And at the base of my throat
I am angry at this world
And all it has pressed upon me
I feel like a ghost
In my own home
There is an invasion happening
And everything is changing

I feel like....
Things were stolen from me
My birthday, my peace
And quiet
I have taken to wandering
Hitting the pavements
Visiting the ducks to tell them
My troubles
There is no sanctuary left here

For once I long for stillness
For once I long for a break from everything
There have been so many
Changes
There have been so many upsets
There have been deaths,
Flooded bathrooms,
Pet scares, heart attacks
Hospital stays
Four months spent house sitting
Cane spiders,
There is a pandemic claiming so
Many lives

I am exhausted -
Sick of listening to
End of the world playlists
I am done with Doomdays and Fever Dreams
And Modern Tragedies
I feel as if I am not entitled
To wanting to spent a few minutes alone
I just want quiet
To go to the library and find new books
I just want this to end
And it will
If we play it right

But there is no going back now