you keep trying to find a reason
to blame yourself
to find something wrong
with you
to give yourself an explanation

but you don't really believe it
deep down

you just try to convince yourself
that it's you
so blame provides closure

but you don't really believe it
deep down

deep down
you know you gave all you could
and he still left

but that's not satisfying
right?
so you think and think
searching for flaws and mistakes
of what you did wrong
or how you weren't enough

because if theres something wrong
there's something to blame
there's a reason

and maybe
him leaving for that reason
is somehow a little better
than him leaving you
for you as you simply are

and mistakes can be fixed
in the future
finding a source of blame
makes you feel
like you can change
don't repeat the mistake
then maybe
the next one won't leave

but if you did nothing wrong
then who wouldn't again leave you
for you as you simply are

there's no satisfaction
no explanation
in that festering question
only anguish

so you bear the blame