I saw a woman look at the sun
“So predictable” she cried
Then she went on about her life
But was everything so predictable?
If we look at the sky every day
Do we see the same sky?
Or the waters that run in the riverbanks
Are those the same waters from yesterday?
I’ve heard otherwise
But, depending who you ask
The answer varies
Then I remember my mother
How she’s changed all these years
She who was dealt a hand of fate
To forever be bound to the wheels of chairs
Yet never seeing such as a burden
She who walked through fire
Only to lose her feet in the process
Only to walk on
Down the road of life with ever wonderment
As if it was a blessing in disguise
My father too…
He has changed the most
From my infantile memories to dirt
He has attained true freedom
He has attained true peace
But it was at the cost of never being able
To see his family again
It’s hard to gauge
Which one is better
I can only subjectively from the living side.
Then I wander back to nature
*** it breathes with life
The violent trees that travel without moving
The wildlife that is out to get me if I’m not careful
The smell of life passing you by
And just like the smells
It varies from time to time
The decay of death as something rots
The complex perfume of incense as something is imagined
The nutty smell of peanut butter on a sandwich
It is everywhere
Then I look at my grandmother
How her mind is deteriorating
How this woman use to be with the power of all that is independent
And here she is
Becoming more and more child-like and forgetful
But all that matters for now is that she is healthy
And that she remembers me
By name no less
She is still so clever
But not the same woman I knew so long ago…
Then I weep like a child
Remembering the terrible things that befell me
Have you lost so much?
How can you keep your sanity through it all?
It’s so hard to breathe sometimes
Yet I continue to do so without thinking
So much more than existing
But what keeps you going?
Throw that question to the void
You will never get the answer you’re satisfied with
It, like the world, is ever changing
Time is too short
There is never enough time
In the end
I’ll never make it out alive
But I have to make the most of my time here
Or else it is completely wasted
And I wither away in the wind
Then I remember the wonders of my mind
How I’m compelled to collect names and their meanings
How a coin on the road calls to me
\Any coin actually
How in some cases I can write like the dickens
Without trying
But in other cases I write like the way time flows for the bored
Slowly
How many unfinished works do I have?
Too many to count
I am gifted with creation
But not as gifted in completion
I just hope I don’t die before I complete
My more interesting works
I believe I’ve hit a low point in my studies
As I adjust, I find I’m pretty dumb about everything
Yet my mind still wanders, like the sky
Ever changing
Even as I suffer
From numerous afflictions
I still end up
Back where I started.