i can feel the tears
build up on eyelids
that do not grow
sycamore trees and sunflowers
eyelids that are just skin.
today it feels like i am
in borrowed skin
and it is not comfortable
it is suffocating
there is a lump in my throat
where the words used to become
words
but now they are only sighs
and heavy breathing
that forms in heavy lungs
these lungs are so heavy.
this golden self i promised to be
is getting so heavy.
i had to let my dog
know i couldn't be
the life of the party today
and it hurt to let her down
but today is heavy enough
to make me not
want to be golden
anymore.