it's time to be relentlessly open with myself
it's time to put my well thought thoughts into stylized writing
i want to bluntly talk about me
and this turmoil of feelings that i sit with
a turmoil of unorganizedness not of despair or distress
but more like something always roils to my psyche's surface
and i ponder it for a bit before it's stirred and turned into something else
and i'm scared of losing those thoughts because i'm quite proud of them
and how they constitute the person I am and the person I am trying to be
and so i'm writing them down.

how's that for a preamble?

starting at the top and first are bonds
i want to be the someone for my friends
i dont have the someone that i can reach out to or that reaches out to me
and that's okay
but i understand how alone i feel sometimes
but i can deal with it
but i am not everyone
i'm not boasting im not exceptional
but i understand how **** this feels sometimes so i want to be that someone for everyone
so that they dont have to feel this way alone
and maybe that makes me bold or prying or nosy but i'd rather
be lamblasted than too callous
and i'm so ******* awkward
and i don't know much about much
so be patient with me