Now you are gone I feel so alone I wish I wouldn't have said the things that I said because now I Walk alone depression inhales me in its lungs into the deep dark places of depression I have become I wishing for forgiveness or death could never get lucky because for me nothing but wickedness this way comes I feel death in these dark lungs and all I can do is start scratching claw to try to get my way out to find the light where I hope to find you and pray that you'll forgive me but it seems like it is not in my path now I have to see it over and over again I watched you walk through the door I thought it was going to be okay like it never happened that way but the next day I started to cry because I just know this time I have lost you for good and now I'm in my own prison cell trapped in My mind in this personal hell I know I am and I am doomed until you come and forgive me for my wicked ways until until then I am trapped in my own pennhurst asylum and I'll tell you why for the fact of what karma has in store for me she let some guy punch harder than I've ever been hit by any man in my life and gave me stitches in my eye I did not see it coming I have never let anyone get into my face like that and that's what I get for thinking like that just like I expected you to come back the next day that's what I get for arrogant thoughts like that I really and truly thought it was going to be and that's what I get for thinking that way I just though in a couple hours you would be home and it was going to be like always where it would just be okay but now it's been 3 weeks now I wish I would have never talked to you in such a way and now all I want to do is die everyday all because of my mind and the evil words it put to my lips and made me say those things and I don't know why I had those hateful words for you absolutely uncalled for and wasn't true no I'm lonely because I didn't think it through and now I wished I had never said that to you and I'll tell you whyin the year-and-a-half I have been with you I have never been away from you this long and now know I truly love you that's why Julia should have never let you walk out the door this is true I knew it was a mistake a life-altering one and you do not deserve it for you you're too kind and do timid to be out there alone without me I fear the worst has come upon you I hope you checked into a place of safe Haven and that the angels that look over you look after you better than my karma has that's all I wish for is for you to be okay I really do love you if you don't believe me I understand trust me I know why because the hurtful mindless unthoughtful things I say it's not your fault it's my past that haunts me I have new trust in a woman that is not your fault by far it's the life that I've lived and doing all the wrong things and trying to make it work for me instead of for the relationship and that's why the angels have pulled you away from the evil demons in me and now evil has caught up with me my karma is rotten my soul is tainted and now evil has wrapped its hands around it in choking the life out of my heart just when you put life back into it and now my heart is black once again that's why a few years back I've had all the heart attacks now I wish that the angel of death would have strangled my heart to its last beating step for some reason no one wants me to die I'm supposed to be here on this Earth and be miserable and I don't know why I tried to be kind and generous and act the way I'm supposed to act in society that's sometimes I wonder if I'm supposed to be part of and now that I know that I found my soulmate you have been taken from me by my own doing and all I can do is miss you Julia I miss you so much it makes me cry and you are on my mind so much that I really can't sleep I never thought I would lose you and I don't know why the evil that courses through my veins fills my brain full of pains and the memories of the cheating and abuse from the one that I'm supposed to trust the most I never wanted you to feel like you was not my friend because in all actuality you are my best friends not only my best friend but  the only true friend that I got I'm and I'm a fool for not seeing that sorry for what I've done I know why you're on the run I wish I would have never had the ability to speak because I brought you to Albuquerque to start all over again and start fresh with a new life in a new place where no one knew either of us and somewhere in the midst I put you in mental fits and when someone does that you can't think straight I don't think there's a person on Earth that can when someone comes at you with hands that crush you from the outside and a tongue that rips through the mind heart and soul like it doll Rusty sword I have hurt you I have put marks on your skin not just once but again and again why should you trust I would not trust me therefore I know I am a monster that deserves to be alone in this shallow place I call my home that isn't mine all alone it is yours just as well as mine I had no right to hold it over your head like a plane that's flying now I'm that plane has crashed into me bringing death and destruction and shame and putting  me to my knee I wish I wasn't the person now and I know why was hit so hard when I looked up from the floor as blood run down my face as that man walked out the door I asked him why I didn't know you from the next guy and you know me not really deep inside I knew not to ask I deserved every bit of it and it's in God's Divine task to make me feel the pain I unleashed on you now it's got me looking all over for you because I have lost my dove and doves mate for life and now that our doves have left our nest in different times and seasons I wanted us to have a little Dove of our own hope for a new beginning in a new light through such a crisis of the times that we are having my love all I want to do is hold you and look into your eyes and tell you that I love you.