Why am I sitting here thinking, when the worlds crashing down and the only soft sounds from the day is of heavy breathing and skin on skin... Knowing youd be the one I'd call to wish goodbye last if I left this world because it'd be the hardest... and I wouldent let you hear a single quiver in my voice, standing there with the pills in my hand, I'd let you know that seeing your face lights up my days and tell you I have to go... And when you say something along the lines of "bye darlin, im here for you okay?" I'll tell you that I know, and I love you for the first and last time and I'll hang up because I know you won't say it back.... Knowing that if I was dying my last thought would probably be of you... And I'd be okay with that... Knowing that I laugh and smile to your face when you don't want me to go, crying later because I didn't want to go for different reasons... Knowing that if the world was ending I'd want to be in your arms and you'd probably want to be... Anywhere else....because ****, you make life so amazing and so unbearable at the same time and you don't Even realize it... But I made myself a promise, I'll never tell you the way I feel about you again, it hurt you too much not to be able to say the same things and I saw it in your eyes and I can't bear to hurt you ever again... And I know you say that we can stop and we can be just normal friends but... Maybe I'm selfish..  Because I won't be your first, or last, or the one you love... But I want to be the one you never forget, the one that you can say your life will never be the same because of and that I made your days brighter.... Because while some part of me has accepted that you'll never love me, nights like this make me wish with all my heart that you could... And I know how selfish that is... But you make me selfish... I already know the day I see you with another woman will be the day that breaks me... But I want to break... I want you to find someone who makes you happy in ways that i can't, someone who you wake up and look at and smile and think to yourself "how'd i get so **** lucky"  I want you to love someone and them love you back just as hard... But it hurts knowing I won't be that one... I said I wouldn't catch feelings when you told me that girls your friends with always did, but you said it was because of your angel wings and good looks.... I didn't expect your laugh and that look you get in your eye when I innocently touch you (or try to stop) or the way you talk alittle slurred when you're tired walking around with your arms crossed and head down, and the slight smile when I wrap my arms around you from behind... I didn't expect to fall for you in between all of the simple things you do... But till the day I die I believe every man I meet will be subconsciously compared to you... But since I can't be your lover... I'll strive to be your best friend... Even if it completely and utterly breaks my soul...