I’m happy now?
(Medicated)
My pain is gone?
(Operated)
I’m whole again?
(Vindicated)

I don’t know what to call it
Stable and suicidal
Calm and cRaZy
Creative and v o i d

Happiness - unreachable
Pain - unavoidable
Wholeness - a ******* construct

If we caught up
If you’d want to catch up
I’d say I’m a teacher now
But I’m still nothing like the woman
You chose to marry

I would have loved you beyond that pain.

The pain of knowing that another
Held your forever

Or perhaps I was mistaken

I’m in love again.
Someone loves me.
And I love them.
When I say “whole” I mean “wholehearted”

this is a love that heals
this is a love I can sustain
this is a love that doesn’t end
in strange friend-ship
and frustrated *******

exits without closure

confused and alone

This is how I learn
Tenderness

And how the **** to Accept myself

I know I deserve at least that.  

Now, I only self-harm
In my dreams
Of you