I swore to myself once that i would never experience heartbreak again
because for me heartbreak is not heartbreak
and i can know i also had normal heartbreak
mine feels like the death of a family member times 10
it grew like that, circumenstances led to that
no im here, you said youd be there
together we were everday
moments we shared without having to say
how we felt or what we thought
cause we felt happy ad full in eachothers arms
no better place to be
i want to close my eyes sink away in you and see
all your beauty
it plays and softly tickles my heart
when i come up there are your soft lift to kiss
they taste delicious, i want more
but the lips are not enough
i rip your clothes of and you mine
without a thought you push it inside
you push it so hard, you dont want it out, as if t has to hide
as deep as possible, i want more i want harder
then slap my ***, skracht my face
im not even able to think anymore at this point
stuck in a haze
in this moment of exactasy to see you contiuninung on ******* me
makes only able to seehe explosion  inside of me
full of lights and tingles and body fluids and dirtyness
what a bless
after that you alway stood up threw me toiletrol
like "fix it yourself"
i mastrubated sometimes eve more, so my soul came loose from its core
shaking inside of my body
i gently cleaned your parts with the same toiletrol
you come sit next to me, and we dont need to say anything, we can but its also okay to just be
i lay my head on your chest and for the first time in my life i fell asleep like that
totally happy and satifies looking out to the next morning where we could eat, talk and laugh with eachother
we  really loved one another
did we ever talk about what our ideal life would be like?
maybe it would be totally different or maybe  unbelievably the same
we could have worked through that life day by day
insteadof getting frustrated and putting blame
we all want to be happy, every person on this earth
havent you hearth, i never knew your ideal life, you never knew mine
you decided to start ghosting
and hosting
other girls, i was just a step in the pass of the walk that is your life
for me you were helping me survive
when i met you, you were so different than anybody ive ever met
i snapped out of depression , i wanted to only have fun with you
and fun we had, in every stupid small room, just the two of us
dancing or letting my head bleed, stiill laughing, together we always would land on our feet
like a cat
and then our story becomes sad
it didnt 'happen', we ccreated it
me and also you
there are things we did not do
and should have
and things we did
that we shouldnt
we alsno never talked about what annoyed us about the other
we never really commincated, god i wish you knew that 5 minutes can make
10 years of difference, maybe even more
its so important
its the core of every relationship
we were attached to the hip
knitting it off hurted, then you ran away laughing and free like i was causing you troble and bad luck
meanwhile you should have been gratefull that i love to **** your ****
also to lick it slowly and then hard
and thats how life goes, moments of peace, moments where everyone is happy and all is good
then something happen, the world shakes harder and harder, do you leave this world, is it the faut of the person your with
or do you stay and face the end, and see the beautiful expolosion
in motion
after that again there is serenity, life  cant alway be a simple walk, its hard
especialy relationships, its why i wish i would have been a better girlfriend
i wish i could have openen up more to love
cause in the realationship i already protect myself for the hurt
which came anyway when you decided to leave
we spoke we said slowly
but you ran, and never showed your face again
what was i supposed to do on four legs stiches in my hip, my best friend and lover gone
i was all alone
firtst thought was dying
but that seemed a bit much
there is nothing i can do than heal, unless you come back than i can show you more happiness than before
1000000000 x more i will be a better girfliend and be there for you
uluc
dont leave me, think about it
i genuinly love you, it is rare in this time to find
we would be blind not to try and give eachother a kiss
and a hug
i should tell more about my  inner world and make less sarcastic jokes
you should communicate more, about what to you is an eye sore
for example ***** plates
and i should clean more, be a bit more mowan for you, i can do that
and you should communcate how you feel, dont break up cause you want to **** someone else
we can always discuss that
only go when you are sure you dont love me anymore
im not sure about that so therefore
i am still here
say the words and im gone
but we could with a little effort make life 100000000 x better
and be actually happ with eachother
i want to come home in te evening lay agains you and smell your heavy smell
i want you to be happy i want to see that uluc smile, i  always did
i always cared wanted , you well
or should i have been a huge *****
would that have kept you longer
i dont care cause to me its stronger
the most strongest actually
its almost my religion
to be yourself always and anytime
**** what others think, if you can be yourself
you can be free
thats all i want to be, free, its who i am its me
excpt from you you can join in and belong
you can come humm my tone come sing my song
it must get way more beautiful togeter than alone
and with practice we can get it  perfectly synchronized
i love you uluc
i want you in my life
i can forgive and forget
i hope you also can, cause **** i acted like a crazy *****
but i am not you know this, ask anyone they know this
almost opposite, i just was soshocked
and i hate loss, i didnt know how to survive without you next to me
when i wake up it is you i want to see or an empty spot you just charged up