mentally
and
physically
abused as
a child,

not knowing
what i was
doing wrong
all the
while.

i did
nothing,
nothing
wrong except,

wanting a
relationship
with my
father,
so i
wept.

jealousy
and anger
filled those
around me,

the ones
that were
supposed
to be
looking out
for me.

the middle
child
that misses
his father,

boo hoo
they feel
as their
anger anchors
farther.

a little boy
needs
his dad,

my dad that
they
seemingly
didn't
want me
to have.

instead,
i grew up
with exclaims
like,

"go to room"

"you look
just like
your father
get out of
my sight".

and then,
those same
people
wonder why
i am the
mess that
i am today?

all that
i ever
wanted
was peace
in my life
and inside
my head...

i guess that
my death
will be
my only
way.

if most
only knew
what goes
on inside
my head?

i fight
myself
every day
just to
not
walk with
the dead.