I got a phone call late last night
and who was it but Mr. President.
"Ya got no business callin' when I'm trying' to write!"
"Can it, pal, you owe me rent."

In seconds flat I's out the door.
Ran a block and hailed a taxi.
But I left my cash in my underwear drawer
so I couldn't pay the cabby.

So I got dumped out in East River,
and as I's swimmin', met a mermaid.
She went by the name Bette Midler.
She ran me to shore, gave me a band-aid.

There I was all cold and wet
with seagulls overhead laughin' at me.
I wrangled 'em all in a fisherman's net,
started walkin' to Cincinnati.

Naturally, I got lost along the way
tuggin' at a movie star's blouse.
When finally I looked up, to my dismay,
I's standin' on the lawn of the White House.

Mr. President said, "I can send you to prison
or exile you to Nantucket."
And sure as seagulls are mean and Christ is risen,
I threw up my hands and said