i just cried for the 90th time this year, which equals about 1.5 times a day for every day of 2020
i can't do this. i just ******* can't. i say it's depression, and my motivation but it's the fact that i keep denying and keep trying. i keep saying that i'm not gonna fail, and then try everything again, but i am gonna fail. i am going to fail, that's just what's gonna happen. i have no other choice. and ****. ****, it's gonna get even worse. i'm gonna fail and i'm gonna be even less happy. i can't ******* handle this **** now, i definetly will not then. i don't need ******* motivation or pep talks. i don't need pity or "it will get better, i'm here for you." i just don't wanna go down on my own, but that is what's going to happen. i'm not gonna make the end of the school year like this. it's only gonna get worse, i know that. i either have to re-do the grade, which is the worst ******* thing that can happen. the only reason i'm still here is the people i'm with now and if i lose them too there's nothing left. or, i make it, and my mental state is just gonna get worse.but there's literally nothing i can think of that will make me feel better right now except for time so that means i'm alright