You told me I was weak to fall last night
To this unholy world outside where women walk around with their ******* out
Whilst ruining the universe
You said I was weak
What the ****

If only you knew
How hard it was to leave the "all questions answered" sanctuary
And start rethinking my choices, one at a time
To look outside the bubble wrap
Re-illustrate the soul, paint over my tainted image of god
Allow my vision to evolve a little

If only you knew what it was like to meet people that were different then me
Recognize my ingrained biases
And then relearn loving-kindness for all of humanity this time around
Think about the global impact
Cycles of life
Understand social justice and sensitivity for what it really was

But you told me I was weak for wearing shorter skirts
In the name of poor kids in Africa
Like my legs were a disgrace to the universe
More harm then good
Because longer skirts can cure poverty and inequality and pain
And I was just like the women on the magazines
You always told my brother never to look at

If only you knew how ******* strong I was
To talk to my body; tell it, it wasn’t violating anything really
To embrace it freely
Allow it to be what it was
For what it is
But still, you told me I was weak
How dare you?

If only you knew
How painful it was
To touch myself the first time
And uncover my sleeves in one hundred degree weather
If only you knew how many demons reprimanded me when I ate tater tots at 7/11
******* tater tots, for the first time
If only you knew how much it killed me to travel to India and see what I saw
And realize I needed to do something no one ever told me to do
For the first time ever
If you only ******* knew

You said I was disappointing god
And that I wont know how to face him after I die
That I'll have nothing to say for my weakness
Because he gave me so much potential to be an influential girl
While raising a religious family
And then you told me you loved me
And that you'll always love me
You wanted to hold my hand  
**** that

If only you knew the demons I fight every day
If only you knew the shame I bask in
And yet still pull through again and again
If only you knew how isolated I feel
When instead of being able to recite Rumi
I have words of the Mishnah memorized in my conscious
Reminding me that women are chatterboxes and ****** distractions

If only you knew how many tears I've cried
How many social gatherings I've missed
How many childhood mantras I've battled head on over and over
Because they were wrong and unjust and just wrong again
If only you knew the continuous battles
The pain and the shame
**** that

But you told me I should've just stuck with it
Been a religious girl whilst pursuing my passions
Embrace my yiddishkeit
Marry someone, anyone really and birth a couple of kids
You said that maybe instead of taking all this time to fight against religion
I should fight for it and then I'll be really strong
Did I see how I was impacting my little sisters anyways?
How dare you?

But I'm weak, right
Ya obviously I am
Of course
If you only knew tatty
If only you ******* knew