being honest with yourself
is a feat of great difficulty
but it is the test
that we all must pass,
and I think I'm getting there,
but It's being honest to others
that really tangles me up
I carry my baggage around with me
but never open it up,
never leave it behind,
never talk about it,
I'm an airport's worst nightmare,
when we are alone with ourselves,
nobody around to share the load,
we begin to crack
and crack and crack
until we are riddled with spiderwebs
until we shatter completely
but I can't share
maybe I never learned the difference
between vulnerability
and weakness
but I don't want to burden you
with my life
my life which scares the hell out of me
just thinking about it,
I've been carrying this bowling ball
in my gut
for the better part of a year now
and I hide it behind a smile
a "there's no reason to be alarmed" smile
and I'd love to break open my ribcage
reach on in there
and give you my heart
but I don't have the right tools in my workshop
and I'm too **** proud to ask you
if I could maybe borrow yours
and it's gotten to the point
that solidarity has become the norm
even when I am surrounded by people
I am alone
and the worst part about it all is
I've gotten comfortable with it