it’s 1:29 am
it’s been 3 hours and still i’m unable to fall into slumber
i’m sitting straight up in my bed
quietly singing love songs to myself
thinking
about how alone i really am
not only tonight, but always
it’s not that i’m alone – i have friends and a caring family
but i’m lonely
and if you’re lonely,
you’re alone - always
no matter how many others surround you

sometimes i think i’d rather be like this
i like the isolation
the ability to get lost in thought
deep in the maze of my mind
it’s easier
transient relationships
fleeting memories
i can remember them - without forgetting the details
but still, i’m human
and i crave the intimacy
and love and lust and connection
of a life without pain.