you are hysterical
and i can tell by the screams that rip from your throat that
you lied
you haven't been getting better
but then
neither have i
you aren't screaming words
just a low, guttural sound
as though your pain
were something tangible
something that will leave if you just
scream loud enough
something that will run from the cops
or lean against the kitchen door
cigarette in hand
staring
something that can be beaten
or shot
or kept in a cold cell with dark iron bars
you scream
as though you are hoping that the lack of air
will send you to the hospital
you scream
as though you are suffering from a withdrawal
and you will get the drugs back if your dealer
just starts pitying you

and as i listen and try to make you stop
i wonder if the pain is, in fact, tangible
if your sense of abandonment that
i know i caused
can actually **** you
i hope not
but since when has hope
ever done anything?