I'm sorry that it took loss to galvanize me
I'm sorry that it had to hurt so
and I'm sorry that I had to rip you to shreds to make me whole

I'm sorry that it's your memory and not you that keeps me going
that I'm only who I am because of who I failed to be in the past

and I'm sorry that I'm not quite there yet.
That I stagnate in mediocrity
that I don't drive myself every day
that I'm always in some frame of a film on loop
of me stumbling and falling and getting up
running two steps
to fall again

I would say I am plagued by inadequacy if I wasn't already ****** to melodrama
and I would say I'm glad you're alright if I wasn't already ****** to inarticulacy
but all I can say is that I'm burning every bit of life I can to be the way I think I should be for you
and saying I'm sorry is part of that
but gritting adamance more so.

your memory is screaming at me today
so I'm putting bits and pieces of myself towards that light in the distance
if all I can be is more than I was yesterday that's enough