Feb 2020
"I'm here for you"
"You are not alone"
"You will always have me"
The lies that people feed me
They are not with me
At 2:30 am
Are they?
No
They are not.
They are not there
When my self-loathing
Claws
Overpowers
Makes its way up my throat
Down into my hand
Tearing me apart
I scream silently
When this happens
I'm alone.
The only thing that is "there for me"
Is my monster
The sub-conscious in my mind
That watches me
As the knife
The one I put
Keep
Under my pillow
Cuts deeper in my skin
There is no one there
As I bleed out.
A single hug
All it would have taken
To prevent this
All of this
I'm not little anymore
I'm not going to ask straight out
Yell
Plead.
I need attention
Every human does
And yet
Somehow
I am deprived
There is one thing
A part of the old me
That is still there
Keeping me
Holding me
Letting me be
Alive.
I still have a heart
Although
When you see me
You ignore it
That one piece of me
That still feels pain
The one part
That can possibly
Forgive.
If you would look
Search
See my potential
Uncover it
Expose it
Maybe
I would change
All I need
One soul to rescue me
Return me to happiness
Fake or not.
Is it to much to ask?
To be cared about
To be seen
To be hugged
To be told the truth
To tell the truth
Mostly-
To feel loved.
I dont know why
I think that
People are scared sometimes
Scared to look
Afraid
What might happen
If they spoke to me
Me with the scars
Me withe badly hidden tears.
Parents dont
Wont
Stare at me
They do worse still
They whisper
Telling thier children what hapened to me
Convincing themselves
Hoping
Praying that
Their precious ones
Wont be like me.
They make promises
To be caring and patient to their children
They glance at me once more
I pretend I dont see
Try not to care
Then
I dare them
Use pateince with me
I can change
Be better
If only somebody cared.
When I feel lost
More than usual
I turn to music
Writing
Singing
I want to lose myself in a world of light
Sometimes
It works.
Those are the days
When you see me smiling
Engaging
But-
If you ever care
If you ever look closer
You would only see
A facade
Nothingness.
"You are not alone"
"You will always have me"
The lies that people feed me
They are not with me
At 2:30 am
Are they?
No
They are not.
They are not there
When my self-loathing
Claws
Overpowers
Makes its way up my throat
Down into my hand
Tearing me apart
I scream silently
When this happens
I'm alone.
The only thing that is "there for me"
Is my monster
The sub-conscious in my mind
That watches me
As the knife
The one I put
Keep
Under my pillow
Cuts deeper in my skin
There is no one there
As I bleed out.
A single hug
All it would have taken
To prevent this
All of this
I'm not little anymore
I'm not going to ask straight out
Yell
Plead.
I need attention
Every human does
And yet
Somehow
I am deprived
There is one thing
A part of the old me
That is still there
Keeping me
Holding me
Letting me be
Alive.
I still have a heart
Although
When you see me
You ignore it
That one piece of me
That still feels pain
The one part
That can possibly
Forgive.
If you would look
Search
See my potential
Uncover it
Expose it
Maybe
I would change
All I need
One soul to rescue me
Return me to happiness
Fake or not.
Is it to much to ask?
To be cared about
To be seen
To be hugged
To be told the truth
To tell the truth
Mostly-
To feel loved.
I dont know why
I think that
People are scared sometimes
Scared to look
Afraid
What might happen
If they spoke to me
Me with the scars
Me withe badly hidden tears.
Parents dont
Wont
Stare at me
They do worse still
They whisper
Telling thier children what hapened to me
Convincing themselves
Hoping
Praying that
Their precious ones
Wont be like me.
They make promises
To be caring and patient to their children
They glance at me once more
I pretend I dont see
Try not to care
Then
I dare them
Use pateince with me
I can change
Be better
If only somebody cared.
When I feel lost
More than usual
I turn to music
Writing
Singing
I want to lose myself in a world of light
Sometimes
It works.
Those are the days
When you see me smiling
Engaging
But-
If you ever care
If you ever look closer
You would only see
A facade
Nothingness.
