On the crowded bus / from my nice downtown job / looking expensive… and smelling expensive… cuz I am / expensive that is…/ and I’m immediately ****** / cuz I’ve had a long day and I’m tired / and this homeless brother is in the back / talking loud / to his Invisible Confidante / and / without a sign or a signal / but nevertheless as a group / we do not see him… He is to be ignored…
But my ears do not comply as he sez
It’s one thing to fight to be who you are- and another to fight just to be
And I’m like / ****… that was deep / and the poet in me needs to write this down / cuz “Crazy” follows with
My mother wasn’t nothing- wasn’t no kinda woman at all / Homeless since fifteen how do you explain that? / Nobody’s got the answers to the questions I ask / so I fight in the war / now what’s our new Black president gonna do for me? / When am I gonna get mine?
I sense a burgeoning forgiveness in the crowd / this boy’s… a Vet / but an irritation in my own spirit blossoms because forgiveness / I’m sure / is not real high on the list of all this boy needs / and I suddenly feel like I’ve been somehow negligent*
His Invisible Confidante must have interjected / as he replies
Because… / Big people don’t care about us / David shuda gave everybody a slingshot / and if they got too big we could **** ‘em / We don’t want to have to look AFTER each other / or even AT each other / can’t even spare a dollar / Tell me to go get a job / like I didn’t try / It’s hard to fit a camel through the eye of a needle / So I’ma take my time / Take my time / Take… take… take… sumthin / Just try to stay modest… just a modest sum is all I need.
The bus has slowly / gotten quieter / all pretending to be ignoring this eloquent schizophrenic / as he merges the holy bible with the u.s. constitution / and adds
Farmers usta run thangs but now Man and God together made satan / I know what I did for my country but what’s my country gonna do for me?
And by now he’s making a jacked-up kind of sense / to more than just me alone... / as he continues
It’s always the black people who think they cool with whitey / I go to the justice center / and they say "leave us alone” / it makes ‘em feel so good / that they could quit THEIR OWN jobs.
Which brought to mind the last time WE had to ask for help / Caught myself just in time-- cuz I’se classy now / But I almost said out loud “Say That!” / And he was on a roll…
“I’m sorry” / they say / “go to church” / they say / and at the same time they lookin’ at me / and I know I could never be part’a they church
Somewhere in the front / a sistah couldn’t hold it / and said "Ump!" / In agreement / as only a Black Woman can
And he was speaking…
They say / “I give to charity” / but charities don’t give to the likes of ME… / but people gon be people / so I aint trippin' off that
I need time and I need help / But I’m a take my time… take… take… my time. Yeah…
At this point / there is no pretense / we are all actively listening to this accidental poet / this inadvertent incentive to being your brothers keeper / as he says
They act like my mental defect is THEIR disability
****… that’s ****** up
And so I guess I’m supposed to go downtown / and be all nasty and ***** / just so I can get their little piece of paper / and- smoke- some- cigs- and- smoke- some- crack-and- be happy / is that it? but they don’t know / In the end it’s not about gettin’ high / it’s about gettin’ by Right …? / Yeah…
Here / he finally / mercifully / signals his stop / and prepares to leave his Invisible Confidante with
Thanks for lettin’ me free my mind, baby / Like inna waffle house… / drinking so much coffee… / I just wanna be inna room again… / Maybe even a cell… / Where I can read a paper and think deep about today
Wow... / With that one / we collectively exhale / and look at / our hands / or our laps / or out of our respective windows
Changed
By one of our own Surprisingly well groomed Oddly articulate But deeply wounded Sons
As he Head hanging Shoulders slumped Disembarks from the number twenty-three city bus And leaves on us The residue Of his melancholy…
Note: Usually when the "Crazy" leaves the bus- a vocal "Whew, I'm glad that's over!" circulates. But when this broken young man was gone... no one made a sound. Not a cellular phone or side conversation... nothing. We rode on in silence…
...to the things that I've learned along the way Carla Marie 2011