Feb 2020
There was something so melancholy in the way she stood there, sun rising behind her bedroom window
as she carried the trash of yesterday and let it way heavily upon the metal beams of her heart
How the weight of the past and the humdrum of her every day routine, carried her like a rusted crane would a large sack of bricks
And so I watched her mesmerized from the small and narrow space between my eyelids and my dreams
A brown eyed girl, heavy and hurt
I watched how she wrapped her wet hair in a scarf and scrambled out for the subway with a protein bar
I then waited patiently for her to come home and watched how she fidgeted with the keys
And when she finally got the door open, she threw her heavy bag down
I watched how her dinner, as she cooked it seemed to melt onto her solemn face, braising her forehead like burning hot coals
I saw how she then went to her room, laid her hefty head down on her pillow, for yet a fraction of a second, to release her mind from all the heaviness, and cried tears of grey cement
Tears that quickly rushed downward and inward and hardened onto the patchwork once known as her heart
And as she remembered the food cooking on the stove, she ****** her head up, brushed off the remnants of her cemented tears; naming herself a ruthless criminal for ever feeling at all.
I then watched as though she tried to lift herself up, she could barely move as she stumbled over the boulders of yesterday and across the collapsing bridges of years before
No matter how hard the sun would shine and no matter how many birds chirped songs of the future,
Everyday added just a little more weight, another half a pound of regret, a couple ounces of misery, boulders of abuse and bricks of insecurities
And as her grief hardened into stones; stitched into the seams of her pockets and as her anger stuck to her heart like a bunch of neodymian magnets,
she became a prisoner, cemented into her past and bound by the iron chains of fate
Left there, so terribly hard and heavy, to live together with the grief and mistrust, to neighbor the heartbreak and to commit all the rage into her wretched soul
I watched her constantly, from her tired Monday mornings to her even lonelier Saturday nights
And she slowly become apart of me, clutching onto her past for dear life, in a world full of such infinite freedom
I dreamt so many dreams for her, lived so many times her beautiful life, cried her tears, feared her fears, and ate away her deathly misery
Until I couldn’t bear to watch it any longer and I yelled a desperate yell at her from the space between my eyelids and my dreams
A yell that shocked her so much that she tumbled out of her doorway right beneath the rising sun of dawn, which slowly saturated her heart and melted away some of the misery
And after days of laying in bed, carrying the weight of the angel death on her shoulders, she picked herself up and ran
Out of her foggy apartment, across the rock solid city streets
And as she ran the small broken pieces of the past began to loosen and fall from the hinges of her bruised shoulders
The faster she went, the faster it got ripped off by the harsh and yet beautiful autumn winds
All those false hearts and broken vows, the iron chains of hatred and the bindings of regret, all loosened up just a little and then crashed boomed onto the harsh pieces of cement that made up the sidewalk
She as if grew wings, beautiful angelic ones that lifted her off her feet into a beautiful dance, which only the bluebirds of paradise could one day mimic
And she frolicked throughout the traffic and amongst the song of the winds, with her cheeks colored pink from the rays of sun that gently kissed her soft skin
Her body and mind became one, allowing her to embrace her vulnerabilities and only once she had that unity, could she begin to feel at all
And so she stood there, like a goddess, her heart pulsing poetry and illuminating a strong light, a light so harsh that it blinded me
And when I opened my eyes, I woke up from my dream and stared back at her and she stared back at me
And I was startled to find myself looking at a familiar face
Brown eyed, brown hair, and a subtle smile
as she carried the trash of yesterday and let it way heavily upon the metal beams of her heart
How the weight of the past and the humdrum of her every day routine, carried her like a rusted crane would a large sack of bricks
And so I watched her mesmerized from the small and narrow space between my eyelids and my dreams
A brown eyed girl, heavy and hurt
I watched how she wrapped her wet hair in a scarf and scrambled out for the subway with a protein bar
I then waited patiently for her to come home and watched how she fidgeted with the keys
And when she finally got the door open, she threw her heavy bag down
I watched how her dinner, as she cooked it seemed to melt onto her solemn face, braising her forehead like burning hot coals
I saw how she then went to her room, laid her hefty head down on her pillow, for yet a fraction of a second, to release her mind from all the heaviness, and cried tears of grey cement
Tears that quickly rushed downward and inward and hardened onto the patchwork once known as her heart
And as she remembered the food cooking on the stove, she ****** her head up, brushed off the remnants of her cemented tears; naming herself a ruthless criminal for ever feeling at all.
I then watched as though she tried to lift herself up, she could barely move as she stumbled over the boulders of yesterday and across the collapsing bridges of years before
No matter how hard the sun would shine and no matter how many birds chirped songs of the future,
Everyday added just a little more weight, another half a pound of regret, a couple ounces of misery, boulders of abuse and bricks of insecurities
And as her grief hardened into stones; stitched into the seams of her pockets and as her anger stuck to her heart like a bunch of neodymian magnets,
she became a prisoner, cemented into her past and bound by the iron chains of fate
Left there, so terribly hard and heavy, to live together with the grief and mistrust, to neighbor the heartbreak and to commit all the rage into her wretched soul
I watched her constantly, from her tired Monday mornings to her even lonelier Saturday nights
And she slowly become apart of me, clutching onto her past for dear life, in a world full of such infinite freedom
I dreamt so many dreams for her, lived so many times her beautiful life, cried her tears, feared her fears, and ate away her deathly misery
Until I couldn’t bear to watch it any longer and I yelled a desperate yell at her from the space between my eyelids and my dreams
A yell that shocked her so much that she tumbled out of her doorway right beneath the rising sun of dawn, which slowly saturated her heart and melted away some of the misery
And after days of laying in bed, carrying the weight of the angel death on her shoulders, she picked herself up and ran
Out of her foggy apartment, across the rock solid city streets
And as she ran the small broken pieces of the past began to loosen and fall from the hinges of her bruised shoulders
The faster she went, the faster it got ripped off by the harsh and yet beautiful autumn winds
All those false hearts and broken vows, the iron chains of hatred and the bindings of regret, all loosened up just a little and then crashed boomed onto the harsh pieces of cement that made up the sidewalk
She as if grew wings, beautiful angelic ones that lifted her off her feet into a beautiful dance, which only the bluebirds of paradise could one day mimic
And she frolicked throughout the traffic and amongst the song of the winds, with her cheeks colored pink from the rays of sun that gently kissed her soft skin
Her body and mind became one, allowing her to embrace her vulnerabilities and only once she had that unity, could she begin to feel at all
And so she stood there, like a goddess, her heart pulsing poetry and illuminating a strong light, a light so harsh that it blinded me
And when I opened my eyes, I woke up from my dream and stared back at her and she stared back at me
And I was startled to find myself looking at a familiar face
Brown eyed, brown hair, and a subtle smile
