I confess.
I yearned for your attention.
My whole body ached for a tiny bit of recognition that you new I was there.
But your eyes were on hers.
And I was being greedy and cared about my own happiness more than yours.

At that moment all I wanted was for you to feel the pain that was tarring me apart inside. 
I couldn't see then that all the pain you had caused me I had brought upon myself.

But i couldn't brush all the anger off.
So i used the only drug i knew that would make them disappear for at least a moment.

So then I ****** all my feelings away.
Every ******, every whimper, pushed all the anger out.
But ******* the feelings away only made the memories stick deeper.

So there I was sitting side by side with all my unwanted feelings.
Not knowing where to go or turn but straight.