My Dad used to say to me, “One day, kid, you’ll understand.”
He was wrong.
I never did.

God, I wish she was real.

Nightwish
by Ryan P. Kinney

I wish my covers would cover me
And hide all the pain
And blame and guilt and shame and blood
And tears and filth

I wish I could still pretend to be a good person,
A worthy one
This unfathomable loneliness
Peering into the void
And finding nothing within myself

I wish this bed was not empty
Like me
I wish the darkness would just finish with me
And take its crimson penance

I wish I got what I deserve
All dogs go to heaven
But this hounds hellbound
I am meant to suffer and break

I wish this song had rhythm and beat
So someone could dance on my grave

I wish I didn’t hate everyone
Almost as much as myself
I wish someone would touch me without recoiling
Without fear and dread

I wish someone some would say,
I love you
And were not lying
I wish I believed them
In anything
In myself

I wish there was a reason for all of this
But, I wish, more than anything
That I had the courage to make this poem better