two ex-girls were blushing, my glance ricocheted off, then landed on my clasped hands.
i wasn't in charge of the party. i only lived where it took place.
nobody had any alcohol, everybody drank coffee or redbull; talked with foreign class.
i wasn't in charge of the music. i only owned the stereo system.
so we listened to some pop-punkshit. i started storing excuses, in case someone asked me to dance.
the boys were all grinning. the boys were all christians, while they hunted their prey.
the girls were all grinning. the girls were all christians, while they still ran free.
i played priest. kept my *** on the couch, swore celibacy with every fired neuron.
lauren was gone, and amie threw a party. she invited an army of ******* dressed exs just to remind me i hadn't outran my guilt.
the laughter started to wane, people looked to me to stir the conversation.
i didn't say a word.
i didn't breathe. the weight of the room was too heavy for me.
i cut myself from the stares, someone asked where i was going, my feet kept moving until carpet was traded for concrete was traded for gas pedal was traded for anywhere distant.