you're right. i could never understand, but

i want to, and

i want you to come back to me months or years later and tell me you're sorry, tell me you've missed me, tell me that this is the year you're going back to costa rica and would i like to come try those mangoes with you?

i would

i want to wake up in the mornings, not punched in the gut with pain and longing when i open my eyes, but by morning breath. i want to relish in the naturalness of bed head and cold feet. i wanna drag myself out of the warmth of the covers and make an egg scramble, just to watch you drown the whole thing in bbq sauce. "it's good!" you say, just

wait

don't worry about being selfish, love. i've been there already and i decided a long time ago that the good outweighs the bad. plus, we all have stuff to work on, right? lord knows that i could definitely work on myself

forever, because

i've already done a bunch of selfish things, and i know that i'll tell you about them years down the road and we'll laugh and cringe and wrinkle our noses. but then we'll get up and go shower and go make breakfast and i know i'll be thinking about how

i want

to go to the supermarket today love, ET and Lucy are staying after school for the 3-5th grade dance, so we should probably pitch in and donate some of those cupcakes we like. the ones with the organic frosting. you'll say, "hey iz? don't forget

to say

goodbye to Colette at the elementary school, even if she leaves you right away for the table of play dough. i know that hurts your feelings but you are the adult and she is the 1st grader". you're right, love, she is the first grader, so i'll make sure i'll say goodbye in the funny way that

i do

anyway, i gotta go now, but i just wanted to say a few things and make sure you knew that you're in my prayers

forever and ever, amen.

! ! ! ! !