Reminiscing of a time in the future, when I'm someone deserving of what I have, and all the work it would take.
I keep thinking though, I could die a fiery death before that day ever comes, and what would be the point of that journey to completion.
I would never have been able to be happy with you.

To be happy with her.

To even be happy at all.

Is there a heaven where I can bask in it all, all of the beautiful things I could ever have? Is there a heaven where I deserve any of these wonderful beings?

No, there isn't.
And the point of this poem is only to reminisce on nonexistence and nothingness.