Dear Soren,

I could not see past
the smog of fear and envy
to see your kind heart

I saw you through a red filter
one that blotted out and muddled
So many of your true colors

So afraid that you would take my only friend
That I didn't realise
Maybe you could be a friend too

I never saw your good side
Because I didn't want there to be one
Something I can't forgive myself for
That you don't have to forgive me for either

In the hall, neither of you would talk to me
I watched, tormented by your joy
Something I now regret

It's why I stood so far away

Now I wish I had enjoyed the peace
While it lasted

I tried to earn my respect
But in the end
I lost it

It was almost a year ago
But it feels like last week
Sometimes it feels like last night

We've all changed since then
Hopefully our friendship
Has improved

But those words I wrote
Are unforgivable

And I don't expect you to forgive them.

I just hope you know
That I believe
That you are a friend.

And a good one.

Even if I am not.