i woke up to a text from my mom this morning,
saying that she wanted to see me for my birthday...
that all she wanted
was a chance.
it has been almost six months
since i have seen her
let alone
talked to her
and i have spent all that time
hating her
for everything...
but hating her
tires me out.
i cannot hate anyone
for long
even after all she's done
to deserve it.

today...
is different.
i didn't smirk
at her text
brush it off
never reply
delete it
i actually responded.
told her
that'd be great
hell, i even
apologized
for missing her birthday
last month...

i can see her face
as she reads that text
i'm sure
she's crying
i know what the things i do and say
do to her
i lived with her
for eighteen years...
sixteen of which
were happy

i guess...
after all the unhappiness she has made
for herself
and for everyone around her
i can't deny her
one small shred of a smile
yes,
everything
all of it
was her fault
entirely
but every bit of hatred
afterwards
was MY fault.

mom...
i am
sorry.