my mind


is ten different shades of ****** up


confusion and hurt run through my veins and take over my life


i'm not keeping track of time anymore.
I have no idea when this started or if I have the will to end it


i want to be near you
but my heart is going back to being numb

and i'm going back to being okay with it.


but i've got two weeks
to be weak


and then i can start to get over you
and i can begin again

i can begin my journey to strength
but i know
i know what that will look like

it looks like an act
i put on a show
and pretend that i'm happy
that i'm ******* **great
but i have no idea how to be happy



no idea at all




i just know how to fix these temporary problems by getting drunk off my ***
calling you

and then throwing up.

and then waking up the next morning next to you
naked

wondering what the **** happened and
why i did that

right when i thought i was strong again


i gotta be stronger

and i don't know where to start
because my soul
is missing a lot of its pieces
and it's too hard to go chasing after them

so i'll just let them go
and pretend that i'm okay


because if i pretend long enough,
maybe i'll start to believe it