I want to make myself feel
The things I did when I was young
Like the first time I realized the vast world
And didn’t mind that I felt small

Now everything’s racing so fast
Forced to feel like it takes effort to breathe
Forgetting to just look, to just admire
Unable to breathe in the pretty intricacies

Growing up and out is beautiful in its own
But I’m losing the insight into the small
Pushing to pry open my eyes
Trying to see the flowers, the sea, the stars

I was naïve with my mind’s eye for the world
I threw myself into everything with all of myself
Not knowing how hurt I’d come out
Unaware of how it changed me

Unquestioning, I believed those I trusted
I wanted to feel sought after and they provided it
I took what they said as truth in exchange for love
Later, I realized the love was as conditional as the rules they gave

I felt led on with their fake smiles and avoiding answers
The answers trying to convince to their side
Only led me to question further
Why I gave into their insincere smiles

I’m a little more grown, now closing my eyes, experiencing again
How I felt before, how I changed little details of myself
Remembering how I’ve hurt and learned
I still wish I loved like I did when I was sixteen