It feels weird. Friendship.
Picking up where you left off with someone you didn’t think you could.
I wish I could be genuine, tell this person “hey, I missed you.”
I can’t.

Not because it would be a lie,
but because I miss me more.

I miss who I was a year ago
when I used to consider this person a friend for life.
Envision them by my side 10 years down the line,
with frequent visits to each others homes.
Scatter outings when our schedules allowed.

But now...
I can’t even tell if I’ll be around them tomorrow.

I used to pride myself in being a good friend.
Trustworthy,
Reliable.
Now I am as unpredictable as ever.
Fickle, even.

I make no promises,
so that I won’t break them.

I make no plans,
so that I won’t cancel them.

Being with myself is hard enough as it is
and I’d hate to ruin someone as pure,
genuinely happy,
generous,
and kind as you.

Forgive me if I’m distant.
I apologize for the lack
of comfort I provide.

The only thing I can say is that
I'll be staying a while,
and I hope that's okay.