Just a few hangups last night
Couple missteps here & there
none too noticeable, I believe
sealed stayed my lips
for the most part, of course.
I'm not one of those
polite pleasers, you know.
Gets me in trouble sometimes.

"Negativism!" she yelled
out all of a sudden.
I didn't know that was
the tail end of a line
directed toward me.
Quiet, patient, hard-working
shy, innocent, little rosebud
He'd never heard me laugh like that, though.
What a thing to hide away!
It'd never occurred to me
and it's still hard for me to find it
these days
But it's not because I'm trying to listen to the teacher anymore.
No
It's because I'm too preoccupied
with ____
I awake, anxious
Thoughts coursing through my mind
Not always the same ones but
The end result
relativizes them anyway

It's the popping up
the seizure of the pen
the enabling of the ink to flow
the willing.
Because I am my own creator
He breathes into me, but
If I don't sit up I will only melt
Maybe he knows it all already
If he didn't I guess he wouldn't be infinite.
But that's no reason
To let the sheets and bones and sinews
become one.
Let those mirrors shift.
Let the motions flow,
the actions build momentum.
What else can I do?
Death won't let me down.
It's loyaler than
that golden puppy-turned-beast
whose "wanton moan" I'll never forget

Even she knew
that this life
doesn't last forever.