Sinister breath 
with deadly hands
Minister Death 
blackens all plans
Amber mist tendrils 
creep from Her Door
Seducing ambivalence 
once evermore
Down this long 
and empty hall
Stood I have, 
to defy my fall
The Darkest Door 
does beckon me
I hear Her soft call 
offer the key

Should I chance 
open The Door?
Something waiting 
never seen before?
Slowly seeping 
through the floor
Unearthly light 
of gothic lore...

Tentative yet 
deliberate stride
Forever gone 
erroneous pride
Lead my passage 
to my death 
Unwavering now, 
captured breath!
No one knows 
the other side
The pious fight 
Holy Divide
Religious sacraments 
shall provide
Else, all others 
claimed and lied

To open The Door 
and cure all pain? 
Perhaps all Things 
together again?
Like the ring empty 
of Her finger
My heartfelt ache 
shall always linger
I know better than share 
this Final Poem
Those wounded shall read it 
twice once I'm home.

Slow black robe walk 
I now tread
Lord's weeping steps 
toward The Dead
I pretend not to notice 
Your brilliant luster
With the same glorious deceit 
led me trust Her
I pretend not to reach 
for Your eternal promise
Within my body cosmos 
my witness Saint Thomas
I doubt The Door 
and all She offers
My Heart, Mind, Soul 
all wistful coffers

Ill-fated, alone 
where I live in here
Amidst constant regret 
and lasting fear 
Whether pills or rope 
or a single bullet
Suffering forever 
The Door my gauntlet 
Be it fumes or bridge 
or rapid train
The Door dooms, 
myself I will have slain
Curiosity leads me 
to and away
From Death's Door 
I die to stray

Not surrounded by the countless 
I have touched 
The differences I have made 
to and such
Hard timber voices 
and friends to the end
Fatal my choices 
be made, cleansed, and penned

Ignored, rejected, 
and consumed by abuse
My struggle reflected
looms threads in my noose
This Door unlocks 
by curiosity 
Unknown Her 
squeaky hinge atrocity
Dangerous **** 
turns one way temptation 
Distorted Azreal 
casts thee forsaken!

Sympathetic souls 
who woo me to live
Feed themselves over 
again to forgive
As ancestors whisper 
ironic invitations
I float as I whimper 
twice-quick damnation!
Our time waiting 
is sorrowfully short run
Colors dance and fade
when Life's painting is done
I have offered all 
and then enough more
I'm drawn nearer still 
t'ward my Darkest Door

Scribing above my bedroom wall
A final message wails my call 
One thousand verses 
I have carved above the bed
Darkening dither thickening 
within my head
Desperate pleas from above 
I have shed
O! Cradle lover's knees 
once I am dead

My note, once found, 
should one soon after arrive 
Would task each themself 
why I did not survive
Three answers thus
No, no, and yes
By which sequence 
the reader place them
Innocence or guilt 
will each condemn
I shall consent 
to those living 
to decipher 
If They had a cause 
in My life, 
death, 
or neither

Agony and misery 
Torture and strife 
Lead me in anguish
To extinguish this life
The final solution 
for a temporary problem
A primal delusion 
tender Cemetery Autumn
Outstretched slow
My trembling reach 
Hope gone now
Here, through the breach


January 22, 2020