March 20th
I couldn't sleep
Life was good
Mom got rid of that piece **** car
We had money again
I had a new Daddy
And it was the most my sister had been stable
I was thinking how my birthday was only 31 days away
I would be turning 10
But that was not what had kept me up
It was the paranoia of something bad happening
life was too good
to quiet.
I didn't understand
I wouldn't stop images in my head
Of of being robbed,death,seizures reoccurring...
I couldn't sleep
Not a wink.
I never understood why.
March 10th
Mom kept coming home late
I became scared if something happened
I had a sensation telling me that she was in a car accident
Or she was going to be in one
Would I be in the car?
She came in and I broke down
Crying
I told her that I was afraid
Afraid of her getting into a car accident
Of her getting hurt
She said that it wasn't going to happen
She would call me, now that she understood
April 10th
Excited that 11 more days to go
Til I  turned 10
Finally I was going to be out of the single digits
I would be a double digit
I would be older and cooler and get more respect
I could hang out with the older kids
My sister Emmy and I
were hungry and bored
So we decided for once to get along
And watch a movie til mom got home from work
Mom was a 35 year old teacher who worked with drop outs,delinquents, and victims
I thought of them all as my family
The movie wasn't over and we called 100 times
Wonder where she was
I got scared
Headache
tear eyed
heart sank
felt weak
but brave
THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK
My new Dad came running down the stairs
Before he could say it.
Before he could
I already knew
I jumped up and said "MOM WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT!!!"
He looked at me funny for a second and then said "Yeah."
He told us to go over a friends house
We could of spent the night but I couldn't tolerate it
Turns out she was trying to make life better for us.
She wanted to go work with autistic kids, in a different school...
With a better pay and better hours.
A better life for us.
Not that she didn't love her job.
She wasn't leaving her 2nd family.
She was doing this for us.
April 12th
It was the longest 2 days of my life
It felt like 2 weeks or 2 months
That was when time became slower than slow
She was bruised,cut,and broken
Not just physically.
Emotionally was the worst pain over all.
To be 9 not 10 just quiet yet
To see your mother in pain
As she cried on my shoulder
And her little solider was out to war
So her older son couldn't come home anymore
He couldn't be there for her
In her time of need
He was fighting for peace
But peace is what needed to be given
Not just her, but to all of us
I was scared ,But brave none the less
There was darkness all around
Time was slow
To this day
April 10th is the most hated day
The day where I almost lost my mother
But someone else lost theirs
She is still in pain
Emotionally is still the worst
As she cries on my shoulder
I know
I understand
That
WE WERE LUCKY
WE WERE ALL HURT
AND THIS PAIN...
Will be taken to the grave.
But while we are alive.
And we all survived.
I can see the light again.