There is a demon living in my mind,
Swirls of pitch black monsters,
Infiltrating the clouds that currently reside,
biting away at the minimal hope,
and I’m struggling to cope.

A churning tornado rises,
spewing safety into the sinister sky,
gun to my head,
my vision starts to blur,
Swirls of whir
and I imagine a white light,
bright
peace is finally with me.
Momentarily.

Rows of skeletons emerge,
sounds of a red train stir.
I am shot by arrows,
one by one,
nothing has felt fun
flashes of my fears roll past,
as the skeletons ****** me,
now aboard the red train,
I realise the demon has returned.

Whispers of
“Why are you so fat”
“You are worthless”
“You mean nothing to no one”
“Go die”
are echoed through my brain

I regret not skipping that last meal,
I isolate myself from friends,
they don’t need to know how I feel.
I’m too good at lying to myself,
to ones I love most,
you don’t need to feel my pain,
it would just leave a permanent stain.
So all you’ll see is that smile on my face,
not the cries that are filling up my heart’s empty space

Instead,
invisible scars fill up my skin,
chains of hurt weigh me down more,
I’m dragging myself along,
even though I just want my whole life gone.

I fight to stay alive,
just breathe and count to five
one more day I say,
one more friend I have to help,
one more person I can’t break,
Why does my life feel like a big mistake

I live behind a mask,
cloth and plastic layered,
one over another,
doused in buckets of thick paint,
remembering how to act like myself seems ever so faint,
I don’t even know who I am anymore.

But what am I supposed to do,
when no one ever seems to care
and my friends aren’t aware
when all I want to do is cry,
but I’ve held the tears back too long,
nothing can come out.

My life is a game of chess,
I am the pawn,
and you,
anxiety,
are the king.
You control the board,
looking for a simple lure.
A master manipulator,
twisting truths,
all for that one word
“Checkmate.”

The monsters are still hunting me down,
they won’t stop until every token of my happiness is found.
At least if I’m gone,
I can say that I tried.
I’m scared,
my fingers are trembling,
hiding my fears are a daily killing.

There’s a crushing feeling in my chest,
don’t come and join my fear fest,
it’s just too hard fighting all the concealed panic attacks,
laughter seems to lack,
too many lies that have spilled out of my mouth like an open crack

I let the demons petrify me for too long,
hold me captive in a murky sea,
shake me till my fears overtake.

Pull yourself out,
rip the mask off,
realize you can’t conquer it,
but you can escape.