For every love the disillusion comes,
The moment I suddenly realize-
Oh no, I've lied again
And shut my weary eyes.

You hate in me what she couldn't stand,
And I always trusted you.
But in the end I've never known a soul
Who saw me and knew what to do.

You want just what everybody wants-
You want a part of me.
But just a part, a little bit,
To come out and be seen.

But I don't play in parts, my dear,
I don't divide myself.
It's killing me to show you smiles
And pretend I'm always well.

You're just like them! I realize
And oh god, does it sting
To know that all you want from me's
Another nice bright shiny thing.

I always respected you
Both for your pain and for your laughter
But all you ever want from me
Is "Happy ever after".

I've realized and **** me,
For I cannot take it back.
I've realized and now I know
I never had what I now lack.

You'll pout and despair, deny it,
But you've done what they all do.
When I show you storm clouds
You campaign for skies of blue.

I love my darkness, dearly.
Why do you cut it down?
Become my executioner
And banish every frown?

I don't want to smile, some days.
I want to be loved as I am,
Not for the shiny surface
That you constantly demand.

Maybe it's wrong to ask you,
When you've so much else to fight
But god, I just can't always
Flood my darkened soul with light.

I miss my lovely shadows,
My ugliness, my pain.
I miss having someone see them,
Someone else who loves the rain.

Why can't you understand
That your type of pain's not all there is?
Why can't you see I don't want to be saved,
Couldn't stand it being fixed?

I'm not your problem, not your pet,
I don't need your assistance.
Maybe I really push you
To condemn your **** insistence

That I be good and nice and right,
That I smile all the time.
I refuse to lose myself to that.
I will not waste all of that time.

Maybe I really push you
Because you're pushing me.
I force you to see just what you are
And you tell me what to be.

I won't endure it, love, I won't,
I'll keep on showing you my soul.
And maybe it'll hurt you
But you're digging me a hole.

I'll not see my shadowy essence
Buried silent once again.
I'll not reattend the funeral
Of all that I've since been.

You call yourself a shell,
And tell me it's misery.
But look, my love, just look
At what you're forcing me to be.

If you drain me dry of suffering,
And leach away my darkness,
If you hide what makes me special,
Tell me, what will I have left?

Don't make me laugh when I would cry
I can't abide it, dear,
But **** me if I won't be good
And act like I'm all here.

For I love you so much that I'll pretend til
I can't stand it anymore,
Because although I'm prideful
I am giving to the core.