I have not been pure
since freshman year
when I had awkward *** with my boyfriend
which ended in tears
and both of us feeling weird.
One Sunday in November
I gave head to a boy who said he liked me,
but he just used me, and told everyone about it,
And thats when they first started calling me '****'
They burned that name into my head
until I didn't believe I was anything else
so then it began,
Different boys different nights,
sometimes different boys, same night
only 15 years old.
****,
they yelled out of their cars when I walked home from school,
****,
they whispered while I was still in ear shot
****,
I told myself when I looked in the mirror
Daddy problems,
I want to be loved.
My purity never meant anything to me,
My reputation was shot before I could say anything
And don't get me wrong,
I'm not blaming anyone but myself.
I learned to stop expecting anything from the boy I'd fallen asleep with in the morning
I learned that I was a tool to be used and thrown away when it was over
I learned that the likely hood of someone liking me for more than whats under my clothes were slim.
I learned that I will never be girlfriend material
I learned that my worth is determined by the boys I sleep with
I learned that I am a ****,
and that is all I will ever be