If I believed in god
And I thought it would fix me
I would get on my knees each day
And pray
But as it stands
The kind of worship I do on my knees
Would hardly be accepted as holy by any god I know.
It doesn't really matter to me
because the last time I believed in anything other than coincidence was so long ago I can't remember
And if I'm on my knees
I'd rather worship love than absolute power.

Sometimes I wonder if believing there was a reason
Would make me any better
If thinking someone made my father spew those venomous words
But at the end of the day I'd rather my father be responsible
Than an invisible man who lives in the clouds, too cowardly to show his face
To the people he is hurting each day in the name of faith.

Because why would you put your faith in something invisible
That takes away your loved ones and gives you cancer to challenge you
When you could put your faith in the childhood best friend who makes you laugh
Or the mother who helped you survive cancer and high school and abuse
Or the boyfriend who bandages your old wounds with soft words and whose fingers make you feel like flying?

God is intangible and thus can never die
but God is intangible and thus can never touch you
He will never hug you with the wrm arms of your best friend
Or stroke your hair with a mother's cool hands
Or kiss you warmly with a lover's lips.

So I will worship the way I want to
And the way I know how
With eyes and hands and lips and hearts
And mixed CDs and letters and messages sent in early twilight hours
Because why would I worship anything other than the people who have held and loved me as I find my way out of the dark?