I want to love
Deeply and
Explicitly
I want to detach myself of all the fears
Of all the assumptions I've made
I await the day I can share my past
Without the insecurity of allowing it to dictate my future
...
I want to love in certainty
I want to love with the self-made proof I will not become like the two who raised me
Confusing hatred for passion
Prolonging their facade for the sake of "protecting" me
Yet all it led to was hurt
I refuse to settle for a certain love because I am "stuck"
I refuse to compromise myself solely for the sake of avoiding loneliness,
Convincing myself to love a person because I need to when it isn't a necessity
...
I want to love without question
I want to love to give
I want to love to take risks
I want to love to prove to my inner child that the love I witnessed growing up will not foreshadow my own
I want to love with the understanding that it will make me better
I want to love to show that 10-year-old
I can
That my personal capabilities are not confined to the circumstances I grew up with
...
This one's for me
For finding and understanding the love I needed ten years ago
-c.alejandra