I thought that tearing myself out of the cycle that defined us was what I needed-
  that it would help me,
  that it would make me feel less anxious and less doubting.

Now I'm in a whole new cycle,
and it's a path of waiting, in a different sense of the word.
I’m not waiting for you,
  or for a call, or a message.
I’m waiting for me to become strong enough
  to take control of my mind,
  to take control of my dreams and nightmares.

It’s a cycle with highs of
  mental sunshine, energy to run for miles, sore and smiley cheeks
And lows of
  curling up breathless on the carpet, twirling razors between fingers, anxiety enough to shove me from the bridge.